Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.Psalm 10:17
What do you do when you discover that your spouse has been sexually unfaithful? Hurt and anger are healthy emotions in that situation. They reveal that you are human and that you care about your marriage. They indicate that you see yourself as a valuable person who has been wronged. They reveal your concern for rightness and fairness. These emotions are entirely appropriate; they just need to be processed in a positive way.
Initially crying, weeping, and sobbing are healthy responses to intense hurt and anger. However, the body is limited in how long it can sustain such agony; thus, sessions of weeping must be interspersed with periods of calm. Verbally expressing your hurt to your spouse is also a healthy way to process anger. I would encourage you to start your statements with I rather than you. For example:
“I feel betrayed. . . . I feel hurt. . . . I feel used. . . . I feel that you don’t love me. . . . I feel like I don’t ever want to touch you again.” All of these statements reveal your thoughts and feelings to your spouse. Any recovery requires that your spouse hear and understand the depth of your hurt and anger.
Remember, too, that you can express all of your emotions to God, who loves you wholeheartedly and weeps with you. He hears your cries, as Psalm 10 reminds us. Psalm 147:3 says that he “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Allow him to comfort you in your distress.
Father, I can’t imagine many things more painful than discovering that my spouse has been unfaithful. I pray that neither my spouse nor I will ever have to undergo this hurt. But if we do, please lead us through. I thank you for your tenderness and compassion for those who are suffering.